I'm a so tired today, I can barely type. I'm not sure exactly why toady it is hitting me quite as hard as it is. I can't honestly say I have no idea why I'm so tired, when in fact, I have several quite plausible ideas as to why it may be. Take for instance my 3 month old, Hester. She has an odd fascination with waking up several times a night to be fed. I haven't figured out why she feels a need to eat at midnight...and 2AM...and 4ish...and of course we can't sleep in after all that. We simply must be fed at 7AM as well, before deciding to sleep most mornings until elevensies. The real problem isn't that she needs to eat so often. It's that I have 3 other kids to care for all day long. By the time I head to bed around 11 or so I'm done. I've had it and then some and would love to just get in a solid 5 hours or sleep all at once. That hasn't happened since some time back in March. You see, she stopped letting me get enough sleep about a month before she was born. Wasn't that kind of her? She must have been trying to help me ease my way back into the new baby lifestyle that I now have. Hester's always so sweet like that. So, that could be one reason I'm so tired all the time.
Another related reason is that I'm in pain. My neck has been hurting for the past month and half at the point and my lower back isn't feeling much better. I haven't had a full range of motion in weeks, and what I have is generally painful to use. I think it's from a combination of things. When Hester wakes up, I try to get out of bed, sit on the couch and nurse, and then place the sleeping baby back in her bassinet before returning to bed myself. Unfortunately, what usually happens is one of 2 things: A) I do get up and sit on the couch, but I'm so tired, I fall asleep there and spend the rest of the night sitting up on the couch with the baby nursing on and off at her leisure; my head falls forward and then snaps back up periodically, causing some of the neck pain; or B) I don't get up; I instead have Ron bring me the baby, she lays in bed next to me, nursing on and off all night. One would think this a win-win situation. One would be wrong. While I am "sleeping" it's not very restful having to remain on my side, awkwardly at that, all night long to nurse the baby without falling on her. As my neck is constantly in pain, the way I hold my head is key, which keeps me from actually getting a good night's sleep, even if I spend the whole night in bed. It's a vicious cycle. I sit up, which hurts my neck, so I lay down, which hurts my back, so I sit up...you get the picture. Either way, it all adds up to me being constantly exhausted.
Oh, another theory as to why I'm tired, as if the first one (or 2) wasn't enough: there's the matter of the other 3 boys and Ron and the apartment and the being well over weight and the lack of exercise and the...yeah. All of that.
You would think this would make me try to cut back...on just about anything. For instance, take a nap in the afternoon when the kids are all either asleep or resting in front of the TV. Nah, that's when I blog here. Perhaps go to bed earlier? Well when would I crochet or knit if I didn't do it after the boys went down? Hmmm...maybe try simply dinners to reduce time spent cooking. That's silly. However would I incorporate things like Scapular cakes and St. Anne Watermelon Sugar Cookies into our daily lives if I did that? Again, you get the picture.
Oh well. I have a child whimpering at me for more juice, as if he didn't just down the cup I got him 20 minutes ago. The joys of motherhood.
Yes, BluePixo, I agree. In case you couldn't tell, most of that post was being facetious. If I didn't love being a mother, I certainly wouldn't choose to be a homemaker, at a financial loss, instead of a teacher, who, despite what you may have heard, makes a decent living. I was simply venting about some of the less joy filled aspects of motherhood. Also, a feeling of fulfillment does not always ensue immediately after something such as cleaning up vomit, but may come later, when the sick child has been gotten back to bed and one can watch him sleeping peacefully.
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